Grant's Gifts

I have a passion project that I've been working on for a few months and I am (nervous) but ready and SO EXCITED to launch it into the world.

I mentioned a while ago I was working on something and that was taking away from my time in this space (well, and chasing a nearly 2 year old toddler!) and now I am ready to share! 

The 'big' launch of this project isn't until tomorrow, but because of the love and support our family has always had through the blog, I wanted to share this with you prior to the 'official' launch event.

Without further adieu...drum roll...
I present to you...

The mission of Grant's Gifts is to provide love and support to NICU graduate families, primarily in the form of donations of preemie clothes.  

Many of you remember our NICU journey and because of that unexpected (but beautiful) journey, the idea of this project formed.  

I vividly recall the day I walked into the NICU and Grant was wearing a onesie.  We had been so wrapped up in the craziness of what was going on, the option of him being able to wear clothes had not even dawned on us.  I immediately started crying seeing him wearing a onesie.  That one small, soft piece of cotton meant the world to me.  It gave me the sense of some sort of normalcy within a world that was anything but normal (or expected).  (You can refer to my post here where I talk about a lot of very similar things)

 As soon as I gathered myself, I called Mister and asked him to run out and find/buy him preemie clothes for our little man. 

Mister set off for Buy Buy Baby and sadly only found one very, very small section of preemie clothes.  He was able to find a package of plain white shirts that snapped on the side.  I was in disbelief that there were so few preemie options. 

The next chance I had, I ventured to Target to see what their selection was.  It was the same story, but they had even less options.  Now I was beginning to get upset.  I fully understood that retailers sell many more 0-3 and newborn clothes than preemie, but I still felt like it was... unfair for there to be so few options, if any.  

Now that Grant could wear actual clothes, rather than just a tiny preemie diaper, I wanted to find him some clothes ASAP.   I had ours moms and others on missions about town looking for preemie clothes.  We were slowly able to gather some, wash them quickly, and take them down to the NICU.  I would be lying if I said arriving at the NICU and being able to change Grant's clothes each day wasn't one of the highlights of my day. 

The amount of support we had during and after our NICU stay was amazing.  One day in particular will stay with me, probably forever.  Friends of ours offered to bring over dinner (I'm talking a full spread; lasagna, bread, salad, the works!)  But what was even better than the lasagna (which was amazing) was the fact that she found AND washed a preemie outfit for us.  I was blown away by their thoughtfulness, it meant the world to us that Grant had a brand new outfit to take the next day that was already washed and smelled amazing. 

The fact is, while there is a lot of sitting around and cuddling your new one, NICU families are very busy, and when they're not busy they better be sleeping.  This made the search for preemie clothes even more difficult.
Generally, when you have a preemie, you are not expecting to have a preemie.  Therefore, preemie clothes are generally not on those new mom checklists.
And for me (and I am sure many other moms) gone was the idea of the "going home outfit" I had lovingly picked out for Grant.  He wasn't able to wear that outfit until he was almost 3 months old. 

You may think there is not a huge difference between a newborn onesie and a preemie onesie, but there is a world of difference.  Even outfits that are 0-7lbs were too big on Grant.  The frustration of not being able to clothe your child was real in our world.
We always said the NICU is not really a world you think or know much about until you are thrown into it.  

About a year ago this all hit home once again.  Jen reached out to me that her little man had arrived a few weeks early just like Grant, and she was looking for suggestions on where to buy preemie clothes.  Knowing the difficultly of finding them and and wanting to help, I immediately boxed up Grant's clothes to send to her to borrow.  Along with that, I wanted to send a new outfit as well.  Off to Target I went, and they had TWO options (boy and girl).  This caused me to get aggravated all over again and have flashbacks of our journey not so long ago.  This sparked a fire in me.  I came home and told Mister this shouldn't be this big of a problem.

In short I want to put preemie clothes into the hands of NICU/preemie families so they can experience the same joy and normalcy we did seeing Grant in clothes.  
I want to relieve a tiny bit of stress that those families are going through.

I want them to have a special outfit for photo day.  

I want them to have an outfit they remember their baby wearing on the day the graduated from the NICU and were able to go home.

That is the (long) story short of how Grant's Gifts came to be.

After this idea was born, I was introduced to an amazing Cincinnati based non profit called Vivian's Victory whose passion is also to help NICU families.  I am elated and honored to be working under them as a program collecting and donating preemie clothes to families in the NICU.  

Head on over to Grant's Gifts to learn more!  

If you would like to donate you can text 'grantsgifts' to 71777 or clothes can be mailed to the address on the site. 
(fyi-there are still a few tweaks happening to the site if anything looks off, we are working on it!  The official donation page is still having some kinks worked out so at this time, texting may be the easiest option.  I'll update the post once the kinks are worked out.)
 

I always make it a habit to check the sale/clearance rack at any store I am visiting to see if they have preemie items.  Some favorites are Target, Wal-Mart, Carters, Old Navy, Gap and Meijer.

I would love if that was something you incorporated into your shopping trips as well.

Thank you as always for your love and support!!

Follow Grant's Gifts on Instagram here and Facebook here!

Two Months

Here we are, the slowest and fastest two months of our lives have just passed.

To think that Little Mister still isn't supposed to be here yet this is all just very crazy.

The bright side is that we are thrilled he's here and now can't imagine life without him.

Though it would probably include a little more sleep ;)

Little Mister is currently 7lbs 6oz and 18" tall! He is growing boy and we couldn't be happier!

He LOVES to eat and snooze, almost equally.

He does NOT like to be hungry and will tell you about it immediately.

 but as soon as you feed him that above turns into this

(month stickers from here) 

 

In the middle of the night we generally have to wake him up to eat and/or he will take a bottle in his sleep.  We can't complain about it too much, as long as he takes it we are happy.

He enjoys chilling in his bouncer and looking around after he eats. 

He needs to be swaddled to sleep but will wiggle his arms out of a swaddle 100% of the time.  Even a velcroed sleep sack.  Houdini I tell you.  Thankfully he will keep snoozing once he gets his arms out.

And he hates sneezing. He will let out a whimper cry every time he sneezes.  I know I shouldn't laugh but it's so funny. 

Yesterday was #worldpreemieday 

Never did I think such a day would be a part of our lives but I am glad it is because of what it taught us about ourselves during those 42 days in the NICU.  

Every day that Little Mister was in the NICU him and I took a selfie, I recently complied them all and love it. Though being in the NICU was not fun, these photos remind me of the daily snuggles, conversations and special times that we shared.  

As much as I loved those snuggles, snuggles at home are WAY better.

Homecoming

These posts may be a little out of order but I needed a little more time to process (and take a million photos) before I was ready to talk about Little Mister coming home.

About a week before Little Mister actually came home they started talking about the process with us.  At that point it was really up to him on when we would be bringing him home.

On top of being healthy, keeping his body temperature up and gaining weight, the main goal for him to come home was to conquer eating which included successfully suck, swallowing and breathing while eating.  The part of the brain that masters this develops between 34-36 weeks gestation so a lot of it was based on his maturity and simply growing.

They wanted (and needed) him to be taking all of his feeds via bottle and/or nursing.  

Starting a few weeks prior, I was nursing him for at least one meal a day and then he was started on bottles as well.  

Little by little the number of bottles a day he took increased.  Eventually he went from taking a few bottles a day and the rest through a feeding tube to us asking him to do 100% of the work.  He would have good days and not so good days were he would tucker out for a few feeds.  The doctors explained it to us that it was like running a marathon one day and then being exhausted the next.  That really helped us understand the whole process.

They then gave him a 'shift minimum' of millimeters they wanted him to take on his own per 12 hour shift.  No matter if it was a little less one feed and a little more the next, as long as he hit that number for 24-48 hours we could be on the path home.

Thankfully I was prepared for this process because of the friendship I had struck up with Preeti. 

(A longer story for another day but Preeti is also a local blogger, whose water broke early and had her sweet little man on the exact same day we did...at the same hospital...SMALL world.)  They were able to go home a few days before us so it was nice to know what milestones Little Mister had to hit once they started talking about discharge.

As anxious as we were to have him home, at the same time, we didn't want him home before he was ready and we had to keep reminding ourselves of that.  

Step by step we (and him) were getting closer.

On Wednesday of the big week, Mister arrived for his visit and they took out his feeding tube.

He sent me this photo:

and I immediately cried because it was the first time I had seen my baby without a tube coming out of his face.  I mean just LOOK at those sweet cheeks.  I kiss them approximately 97 times a day.  

When I was there that same Wednesday they had told me that if Little Mister did well with his next few days of his feeds we could look at going home Friday afternoon.  We were internally jumping out of our skin with excitement but also being cautiously optimistic.  Because it was up to him and his stamina we knew things could change.   

A few days before discharge the hospital does this awesome program called 'rooming in'.  They offer to have the parents stay the night with your baby all on your own.  (The nurses are just a call away and bring the baby's feeds in.)  The experience is to be just as if you are at home, alone, with your baby.  We kept saying if we would have had him in a more normal manner we would have had a night or two alone at the hospital with him and this was an amazing opportunity.

From the moment we had heard about rooming in we knew we wanted to do it so when the time actually came we were SO excited.  We kept talking about having a slumber party with him ;)

So room in we did and it was SO fun.  

We slept about 0% of the night but that was okay.  We were just happy to be with him.  Thankfully that night he did well eating and continued his awesome streak the next day.

That Friday I called to check on him after his morning feed and the doctors had been by and the nurse told me he could GO HOME!  Cue all the happy (for once) tears.  I immediately called Mister and we just could NOT believe it.  Thankfully by time I had talked to the nurse it was time for me to go home from my half day of work because there was no chance of me concentrating after that.

As soon as we could Mister and I headed (with a car seat!! finally!!) to the hospital to collect our little man!!  That time the drive there seemed to take about 4 hours but finally we were there and practically ran into the NICU.  We arrived at his bedside and started packing up his things and cleaning off his board.  I (clearly) had an outfit picked out for him and changed him. 

 (onesie from here)
Then the nurse started taking off his wires and leads, it was such a dream to seem him not connected to any thing.  We were in an overjoyed daze of happiness.

(I think his face says 'are you guys really sending me home with them?!')

We got him all packed up and then LEFT.  

After 42 (very, very long) days we LEFT the NICU with our baby.

It was nothing short of a miracle.

I think I will remember the walk down the hallway and that elevator ride for the rest of my life.

We dreamed and dreamed of the day when we would walk down that hallway carrying a car seat with him in it and it was finally here.  

We then drove home on pins and needles and took Little Mister to meet his puppy dog we had told him so much about.

 I came in the house and grabbed Floyd and we then all walked in the house as a family :)   

We let Floyd sniff on him, he gave him a welcome lick across the face and we settled in.  

And then we had the best Friday night just being at home, all together, as a family.

(this picture melts my heart in 100 pieces)

 

There will NEVER be enough thank yous to express our gratitude to our friends, family, the doctors and nurses that helped us through this journey (and the one we continue to be on).  As hard as it was to leave every single day we knew that Little Mister was in THE best hands.  Every nurse we had was nothing short of amazing and he received the best care that helped him to be on the road to coming home. 

One Month

The past 4 weeks have been the fastest and slowest of our entire lives.

Clearly this whole experience has been the ultimate surprise but if you would have told us 31 days ago this is where we would be today, I would have laughed in your face.  

The amount of emotions, smiles, tears, fears and whole new world of knowledge we've experienced in the last month has been unreal. 
That being said, we are so happy Little Mister is here and makes us smile multiple times a day.  

I mean, he's super cute so that counts for something ;)

In one month 

-we've gone from pregnant to having a baby

-Little Mister has grown from 3lbs 5.6oz to 5lbs 1oz (!!)

-started nursing

-started taking a bottle

 -learned a WHOLE lot about NICU life and have a whole new appreciation for doctors and nurses

-been showered with immense amounts of love, support, meals and more from our friends than we could have ever imagined

-discovered preemie clothes are not the easiest thing to find (but can be done! post on that soon!)

-learned how to give a bath in a small pink hospital bucket

-learned what all the beeps and boops and noises within the NICU mean

 -enjoying celebrating milestones no matter how big or small

 and much, much MORE

Motherly Instincts

Happy Friday!

Today I have a very special guest here helping me out while I catch up on sleep and snuggles.

Libby's post below also talks about this but I met Libby through Mister and I am oh so glad I did.  They were great law school buddies and I am very happy that Mister shared her with me ;)  We've run a half marathon together, drank many a glasses of wine and discussed most things under the sun.

Libby has always been inspiring to me as a mother (she has 3 very adorable boys) and even more so now reflecting on how she went through the preemie journey as well. 

When we were in the midst of our crazy labor day and beginning to think what a NICU and preemie journey would look like  I very specifically looking at Mister and saying 'Libby's boy was early, right?!  And he's okay! So we will be okay.'  

I have a whole post in my head dedicated to this but no one ever talks about having a baby early.  Granted it is very scary but I think it should at least be approached at least one appointment.  

Through all of this it has been comforting to have close friends like Libby that know what you're feeling and what you're going through.  And what it means to sometimes just need to cry it out in your car.  Those days have thankfully gotten better ;) 

Take it away, Libby!

 ____________________________________________

I was lucky enough to meet Sarah through Mister who was a law school classmate of mine. As many of you know, she is amazing.  Sarah’s bravery, commitment and dedication here, was part of my inspiration to start my own blog, myrabbittrails.com. 

As a small thank you to Sarah for that inspiration, I figured I would try to give her a few extra hours to stare at Little Mister (or sleep) by writing a post. Here it goes…

Three weeks and 6 days ago, you became a mom. I could list all the standard cliche advice on how to be a great mom. Instead I’ll tell you a story that ends 4 weeks ago, when you were already a great mom.

Four years ago I, like you, noticed my Victoria Secret’s (who am I kidding? My underwear, full briefs, are from Target) were not feeling fresh from the dryer. I, like you, asked one of my doctors about it. I, like you, was told it was probably just a little pee-pee. 

That day, the probably just a little pee-pee day, I did not see my primary OB. I saw the doctor who was the grandfather of the practice. He gave me a wink and a pat on the back. Gently, yet wordlessly, dismissing my concerns while conveying that common message: Relax, first time mama. Nothing to worry about, you silly thing.

Despite his far greater pregnancy and childbirth experience than me, I, like you, doubted his conclusion. I, like you, googled obsessively. (If my doctor wouldn’t believe me, I could at least find some internet support to explain what was happening to me!) I, like you, soon there after, delivered early. 

As the nurse wheeled me into my delivery room, for one last time, just for good measure, I heard the doctor (again, not my primary OB, but another member of the practice) say, “did her water really break?”  One last chance to doubt the first-time pregnant woman. 

WebMD tells me that at 31 years old I had urinated over 90,000 times in my life. Surely I knew the difference between water breaking and a little pee-pee.  

Thank god for the nurse who indignantly exclaimed, clearly exasperated from the regularity for which she must answer this question, “It sure did! You want to see the trail that followed us from the lobby to here!?” She said it with all the strength and fire that could only come from fielding this question numerous times before.

Because that nurse knows what I am about to tell you: Trust your own damn instincts, girl.

After my oldest came six weeks early and spent the first month of his life in the NICU, I wrestled with: Why? I tried to figure out what it meant. I tried to find a reason or a lesson in it. 

Maybe I was looking for a silver lining in the pain and the fear that comes with delivering a baby that weighs less than a butternut squash. A baby that needs an incubator, feeding tube, and constant monitors to ensure his heart is beating, his temperature regulated and his lungs breathing.

During my baby’s stay in the NICU, I bumped into my primary OB in the hospital cafeteria. I asked him why my baby came early. He told me we’ll never know. He opined on several potential reasons. Then repeated: we’ll never know.

I was thankful for his answer. I appreciated that he was thoughtful, rather than quickly dishing default advice. He gave me an honest answer, rather than assuming he knew better than me.

Left to draw my own conclusions, this is the best I could come up with: It is a lesson to trust my own (and your) own instincts.

Like you trusted your instincts that it was not just a little tinkle. Like you knew that it was different than the other 90,000 times in your life that you had tinkled. 

In the face of being told to doubt yourself, you stayed strong. You persevered through humor with your friends, when you were scared inside. You persevered through research, when you knew it would likely reveal the truth you did not want to know. You persevered through continued doubt but you knew. 

Because you know your body. Because you know Little Mister. Because Little Mister is yours and no one else’s. 

This will not be the last time your judgment as a mother is questioned or doubted. There will be moments when others weigh in to question your judgment. Sometimes I am the one weighing in, questioning my own judgment!

I am not saying ignore others. I am saying don’t ignore yourself. Being a new mom does not make you less of a mom. 

Trust your own instincts. You will do this your way. You don’t have to do it anyone else’s way. Because you are no one else’s mom and Little Mister is no one else’s son (you do have to share him with Mister and Floyd).

You know him in your heart. You know it in your heart. You got this even when you don’t think you do.

 ____________________________________

Well about that crying thing getting better... 

Thank you Libby for your sweet words, your encouragement and support.

Now go check out Libby's blog!!

I would check out this post and make those treats immediately if I were you. 

NICU Necessities

I thought I would have plenty of time to think about what I wanted to pack and carry in my diaper bag once Little Mister was here.

Little did I know that my diaper bag would come in handy a whole lot earlier and need to hold a whole host of other necessities.

Every day that I travel to the NICU you would think that I am moving in.

I have tried to narrow down what I carry each day but it's not going well.

Because I spend a large chunk of my day (a day in the life post coming soon) I seem to need a lot of things in the NICU.

Here is a general run down:

1.  Diaper Bag : We were kindly gifted our diaper bag in our 'shower' (that we didn't attend-recap of that coming soon as well).  It has been a lifesaver!  I have been very pleased with the way it's worked out, plus it's cute to boot!

2.  Lunch box(es) : I carry 2 every day.  One I fill with milk bottles and one I fill with actual lunch.  Though the cafeteria isn't that bad, I try to take my lunch so that I don't eat fries every day.  I do get a Diet Dr. Pepper every day, it's sadly (or not!) the highlight of my day.  

Funny story - after I delivered the nurse asked if she could get me anything and I said, 'oh my gosh, I would LOVE a Diet Coke!'  She looked at me and said 'we have Diet Pepsi...'.  I think actual fire might have come out of my eyes.  All I had all day long was ice chips and a half a grape popsicle.   

Thankfully Diet Dr. Pepper is pretty good but nothing satisfies like my Diet Coke...

3.  iPad : My mom gave me an iPad mini for my birthday last year and never have I used it SO much.  It is the perfect size for reading, which I do a lot of while pumping and snuggling Little Mister.

4.  Hands free bra :  I went a week pumping without this thing and I am not sure why I did.  Literally THE best money I've ever spent.  I can do just about anything while pumping with this thing on.  Floyd has taken to sitting with me while I pump so thankfully this bra lets my hands be free to pet and snuggle him.

5.  Leggings : While I managed to get on jeans over the weekend for dinner out, I spend 99.9% of my time in leggings and work out gear.  Which is just fine by me because it's all the better for snuggling in ;)

6.  Boppy : I recently picked up a boppy and it makes feeding and holding Little Mister SO much easier.  This is one of those baby items I thought might just be hyped up but it is really worth it! It hugs your body so well and provides a great support to hold a baby.  

7.  Camera : Duh ;) while I have about a million photos of Little Mister on my phone, I have enjoyed having my real camera there to catch some very special photos of the babe.

8.  Chapstick :  The NICU is as dry as the Sahara so this is a must

9.  Good, thick lotion : See above

10.  Patience :  The past 3+ weeks have been the slowest and fastest of our lives EVER but above all else, patience is key.  The days go quickly and slowly there but in order to keep our sanity, we know that we must have a whole lotta patience.